What is it? What causes it? Have I ever felt it?
Subspace wasn’t something I experienced prior to B, and I know some subs who haven’t experienced it at all who are completely satisfied in their submissive journey. So if that’s you- relax, take a deep breath, and don’t worry. Your ability to enter subspace does not define your dynamic or your submission and just because you haven’t experienced it yet, doesn’t mean you never will.
That being said, what is subspace?
Subspace can vary from person to person, but is generally described as a floaty feeling brought on by the rush of endorphins and adrenaline felt during a scene. These feeling can last hours during and after a scene, and some submissives report a higher pain tolerance and feelings of euphoria. BDSM can literally feel like a drug, y’all. A delicious, relaxing, and addicting drug.
For me, subspace is a place of complete and total relaxation. I described it to a friend who is not in the lifestyle as that semi-dream state right before you fall asleep for a nap, the sun is shining through the window and the room is the perfect temperature. The sheets are as soft as they’ve ever felt and the blanket is tangled up perfectly around your body. You don’t have a single thing you should be doing and you can just lay there for hours in perfect, worry free bliss.
During subspace, I feel deeply connected and adoring towards B. He- and I know this sounds cheesy- feels like the center of the entire universe. For that period of time, everything ceases to exist outside of us and a few hours in subspace can recharge me after some really, really hard weeks.
In subspace I feel soft, small and sometimes during these moments, words can become hard for me. The first time this happened my inability to communicate startled me. If you’ve been around my blog for more than a few moments, it’s obvious that words are generally not something I’m lacking in. I find it so interesting that my deepest level of relaxation is so opposite to my normal state of being. Now, B makes sure to ask yes or no questions, to not overwhelm me, and I’ve even gone a period of 5 hours without speaking. He calls it “taking my words” and it allows me to just be in the moment without forcing communication that doesn’t feel easy or natural in that deep state. Even in subspace, I have a verbal and non-verbal safe word that signals to B that I am not comfy- so I know I can always communicate or send a “mayday” signal if needed.
I want to close out with a reminder to you all that this is just my personal experience with subspace. L and many of the other submissives I am blessed to call friends would describe it differently- and that’s the beautiful thing about this lifestyle. When you give into desires and allow your body to explore new things, sometimes it carves out spaces that are exactly what you need to connect and recharge.