I distinctly remember typing "how to be a good submissive" into my google search bar and was frustrated at the vague or sexually based responses I kept stumbling upon. I felt like there was some elusive secret or checklist that if I kept reading I would eventually find and viewed submission as one size fits all. Ive known from the beginning I wanted to bring y'all real and tangible advice to help you feel like you are improving your submission, but without perpetuating the false beliefs I once held of one specific set of rules to be considered "good" within this lifestyle. Your submission is unique to you and that's what makes it such a beautiful and intimate gift to share with the right Dominant.
Whether you are familiar with BDSM or not, chances are you've heard of "safe words" in some sort of conversation, movie, blog, etc. And while this post's intention is to educate you on what a safe word is, most importantly I want to teach you when and how to use them the right way. Having a safe word is no better than having a car that doesn't start if you don't feel confident and comfortable using them when a situation or scene begins to shift to a place that makes you feel unsafe, begins to approach your hard limits or if you are just plain not into it anymore. And spoiler alert: Dominants, this blog is for you, too.
As much as I would love to write a post about how to avoid sub drop, in my personal opinion, that's an unrealistic goal for submissives and Dominants alike. With great highs come great lows and the goal of this blog is rather to explain what is is, why it happens and what we can do to work through it.
I thought I would continue our BDSM basics series by digging in a little deeper about what a submissive is and the different submissive roles within the BDSM community. Submissives choose to give up control to their Dominant within the BDSM dynamic. Submission is a gift, and one that should not be given lightly as [...]
Primal, in my opinion, is one of the more taboo and less talked about kinks within the BDSM community. I am not -by any stretch of the imagination-an expert in primal play but I am going to dive into what it is, how it is incorporated into the lifestyle and my personal experiences with a primal Dominant. This post may be a little long, so grab a cup of coffee (or tea if that's more your jam) and settle in.
B, L & I have recently started a "triad journal" of sorts. A place to check in, share our thoughts and write about our days in a way that's not always possible in normal daily, interactions. The idea was recommended to us by a lovely couple in the lifestyle and I am so excited to see how this intentional practice of communication grows our dynamic. Although these journals are generally private, my lovelies allowed me to share today’s entry with y'all. Theirs, however, I am keeping under lock and key but I will let you know the term "the kinky girl door next door" was thrown into the mix. New tagline, maybe?
What is it? What causes it? Have I ever felt it? Subspace wasn't something I experienced prior to B, and I know some subs who haven't experienced it at all who are completely satisfied in their submissive journey. So if that's you- relax, take a deep breath, and don’t worry. Your ability to enter subspace does not define your dynamic or your submission and just because you haven't experienced it yet, doesn't mean you never will.