Routines. We all have them whether we realize it or not. As people, we tend to become creatures of habit and develop patterns in the way we live our lives. This can be detrimental if those habits include mac n cheese, binging Netflix and spending too much time comparing ourselves to strangers in our instagram feed. On the other hand, we can use our routines to build a life we are absolutely obsessed with. Now, I am the first to admit I have been guilty of both, but I find myself leaning towards the latter now that B has prioritized having a routine in our dynamics as we slowly fall deeper and deeper into a total power exchange.
Your behaviors are your habits. They manifest in the actions you take, the words you say and the way you life your life.– Rachel Hollis
Total power exchange, or TPE, is generally seen in a more Master/slave dynamics, but can occur whenever the Dominant has complete and total control over the submissive. This does not just mean sexually, but the Dominant is in control of all elements of the submissive’s life- right down to his or her daily activities.
For us this our TPE translated in my routine by sitting down on Sunday night and planning my week ahead. I tell B everything I have on my plate as far as chores, school work, family obligations or friends who would like to spend time together. He sifts through the information, making sure to carve out for things that really matter and eliminates the things that don’t. We also like to use this time to meal plan what I am going to eat for the week and I will make the grocery list as we sit together. All of this goes in my planner for the week, so I have no excuses for forgetting tasks or not getting things done.
B plans absolutely everything from when I wake up, to how much time I dedicate to cleaning my house that week and what day I pick up my groceries. After our weekly planning, He will also outline my days the night before with time limits for certain tasks so I don’t get distracted. This is when a little variability will come in- if we stay up too late watching movies together as a triad, I may get to sleep in. If I’m feeling tense He may add in yoga the next day. Although B makes the ultimate decisions, He does allow input and feedback because at the end of the day, this practice is meant to strengthen our dynamic and better my life.
I will admit, as a lifelong feminist, that asking B permission to go out to lunch with my best friend felt a little weird at first- but here’s the thing about a healthy dynamic- He truly wants what is best for me. B is never going to add something harmful into my schedule because as my Dominant, He only wants what is best for me. I am an extension of Him, and His decisions regarding my life are a reflection of that. So while I do want to groan when He adds a three mile run in on a Monday, I know that at the end of the day I will be happier and healthier because of it.
In addition to my normal life actives, having control of my schedule allows B to add in things that feed my submission throughout mundane daily tasks. This can be as simple as not wearing panties that day or having me practice my kneels first thing in the morning. This helps me stay in a submissive mindset and remind me of my place throughout the day. This is one of my very favorite parts of handing over my schedule- knowing that the way I’m spending my days is pleasing to Him.
Overall, this is just a little taste of what being in a TPE looks like, but has radically changed my life. By B taking all the mundane tasks and decisions off of my plate, my brain is freed up to focus one what really matters. I can take my tasks one by one, knowing that as long as I keep checking things off the list, everything will be done. At the end of the day, decision fatigue can be exhausting for anyone, but even more so for a submissive whose only desire is to submit to their Dominant. Think of Steve Jobs wearing the same black turtle neck and jeans every day, but for me it includes a lot more orgasms and floggers.