We are switching gears today to some of my absolute favorite topics: mental health, self care and submission. This is the start of a new series I will be weaving into the blog that encourages you to make sure you’re taking care of yourself, especially with the current state of our country. Between pandemics, staying inside and all the statistics being throw around in the news these days, the world can feel really, really heavy. The good thing is there are sure fire ways to help lighten the load. My current favorites being mental health check ins and establishing a routine with B that encourages (okay, lets be honest, more like mandates) self care. These items and my mental health are significantly more linked than I ever could have imagined and I am shocked out how much exploring my submission has inspired a journey into self reflection and improvement. My best friend, not in the lifestyle, calls B my kinky life coach- and although I love to tease Him about this- it couldn’t be more true. His goal as my Dominant is to produce the best version of Emily possible, and that means that protecting, checking in, and encouraging my mental health falls front and center in His role as my Dom.
For me to be able to submit fully, be open and genuine with my partners and allow myself to go the vulnerable places that my submission likes to take me, I have to be mentally healthy. Plain and simple. A solid dynamic needs to have a solid foundation, and that foundation, at least for me, is my mindset. Allowing yourself to pursue your darkest desires and be completely transparent about that looks like with another (or multiple, in my case) human beings requires a deep level of vulnerability and a level of acceptance with who you are. I’m not saying you have to be perfect to submit- and if I’m being honest I definitely cried in the shower last night- but more days than not, I wake up with my head on my shoulders and the intention of making my life better. Thats really all a positive mindset it, y’all. The intention to do good, be good, and have a good day. It’s as simple as that.
Mental health checks ins are something my friends have been incorporating since lock down and it has encouraged me to reflect on how I’m feeling and allowed me to make sure I am not spiraling without realizing it. I’m a very social person and the withdrawal from lunch dates and spending my off time taking in the lake on my parents back porch is really getting to me. My friends were feeling a lot of the same feelings, and so we implemented a system where we rate our mental health in a group setting between a 1 and a 10 at the end of the day. If you don’t answer, we are going to consider that a 1 and check on you like crazy. Now, I realize not everyone has a persistent group of girl friends willing to blow up their phone with Tiger King memes until they answer, but this could be a partner, family member, or even a coworker that will help keep you accountable. The point of the exercise isn’t actually for this person to help you work through whatever number you are, but just to make sure that you are self reflecting about what your mental health looks like on a day by day basis- and as a result not allowing yourself to live at a 1. If sharing this with someone else feels like too big of a step, start with a mood journal. Right your number down every night, and if it’s less than a 5, think of a few ways tomorrow can feel better. Maybe it’s a FaceTime chat with a friend, spending way too much time making your favorite meal in the kitchen or going for a socially distanced drive while blaring Lizzo and Taylor Swift. Whatever that looks like for you- be intentional about finding and pursing things that bring you joy.
A lot of people like to talk about face masks and skin care routines when they mention self care, and while that can be an important part of a self care routine, that’s not the takeaway I want to leave you with today. I want you to realize its okay to put yourself and your mental health first. Above your partner, above your job and above the long list of people and tasks that you feel deserve your attention first. Put on your oxygen mask before helping others. When you allow yourself to focus on the things you need and are honest about what that looks like, you will be amazed by how your days will look just a little bit brighter. We have been trained as women to put everyone else’s needs before our own and that is no way to live- even as a submissive. I am a better submissive to B because I am honest about my needs, my mental health and let Him know if part of our routine is no longer serving me. We need to keep ourself healthy so we can pour ourselves into the people we love in a way that only a happy, healthy, and fulfilled person can. You will have more to give to those around you when your tank is no longer empty.
I’m gonna wrap this up before I throw anymore cheesy analogies at you, but this is just the start of this conversation on self care and mental health here on Suddenly Submissive. And I know I’m just your new kinky friend (okay, stranger) on the internet, but if you’re feeling blue and need someone to vent to, my inbox is open. Be safe out there, darlings.