I can’t introduce y’all to my submissive journey without first introducing the one’s who are sitting front seat with me.
Enter, B & L.
Yes. B and L.
I am currently in a polyamorous closed triad with both a man and a woman. If you’re not familiar with poly, skip to this post here and then come back so those terms don’t sound quite as greek. In a nut shell, this means that the three of us have all chosen to be in a closed, non-monogamous relationship with each other. I am in a romantic and intimate relationship with them both, and they with each other and with me. Phew. Now that we got that out of the way….
I met L on a social networking site last year. She was cute, smart, and funny and I was drawn to her from the moment I met her, like a moth to a flame. I laughed a little too hard at her jokes and it didn’t take long to realize that the feelings I was developing were beginning to lie outside the realm of friendship. Identifying as straight my entire life, I did what any self described “baptism by fire” kind of girl would do and drank a bottle of wine as I typed, “Do you like me as only a friend?” Ah, a millennial love story. L had been in the lifestyle for years and had much more experience than I did, but also identified as submissive. We knew we wanted to be together, but also craved the structure and deliciousness a Dom had to offer. Let’s be honest- if L & I had our way we would stay up until 4 am every night eating ice cream, watching movies, and sharing cat memes. We. Can. Not. Be. Trusted.
After failed attempts at finding a Dom who fit the ever growing checklist of things that we needed as a couple, we kept circling back to a man we had grown a deep friendship with, B. He was older, experienced and seemed to always have the right answers. He was a wealth of knowledge and was respected within the lifestyle. Oh, and incredibly handsome…. can’t forget handsome. Eventually friendship grew into a full blown dynamic- one filled with respect and communication and that surpasses what I ever thought possible.
B is now our Dom, although what that looks like to each of us is a little different, as we have different needs as people and submissives. Although this may sound a little out there, in the majority of situations we look like any regular dynamic. B and I have what is pretty close to a total power exchange dynamic (TPE) which means that B makes all the decisions regarding my life. B helps me plan my day, helps me decide what to wear or what to have for dinner and is always pushing me to be the best version of myself. He takes the mundane daily decisions off of my plate so I can focus on what truly matters. He is calm, patient and ensure my needs are being met in every aspect of the word.
If you didn’t notice, I haven’t mentioned sex once in this blog- and that’s on purpose. BDSM and our dynamic isn’t all about the sex, it’s something that affects every aspect of our lives- both in and out of the bedroom. Being a Dominant is infinitely more complex than liking rough, kinky sex and being a submissive runs much deeper than being used for another human’s sexual gratification. But don’t worry- we will talk about the good stuff later.